Life can seem clear and certain for some time. We move from home to school, school to home, then on to college or a job.
Whatever those initial steps may look like for each of us, there can come a point when we seem to run out of clear road.
That is, if we pay attention.
Long-term goals, such as reaching the top of a particular career, earning a certain amount of money or having a long marriage, can keep us in the territory of certainty for quite some time.
But while certainty feels good — invigorating and reassuring — it often hides something from us.
The Blessing of Confusion
When we reach a point of confusion, we can feel incredibly vulnerable, almost as though we're suddenly exposed to the elements of life in a whole new way.
How birds seem to choose a spot with such certainty, when they could fly anywhere, is a bit of a wonder to me.
Certainty has a neurobiological impact on us, making us feel safe and clear.
But that doesn't mean it's necessarily related to truth or goodness.
It simply means that certainty is something our brains and nervous systems crave. And we can achieve it in many ways, including by becoming very good at lying to ourselves.
Confusion pushes us to question and wonder.
It pushes us into our fears and desires, testing us in new ways.
Whenever confusion about our life path arises, it offers an invitation to look more deeply at ourselves and at life.
Accepting That We Are Confused and Lost
When we begin to lose certainty about the things in our lives, it can be incredibly disorienting.
We might lose a marriage, a career or some aspect of our health.
Suddenly, the things we took for granted every morning when we woke up are no longer there.
And what are we supposed to do with the realisation that we may have been wrong about so much?
In my experience, confusion simply throws us back into the flow of life.
It returns us to uncertainty, where we rightfully belong, so we can learn to dance with life again rather than trying to whip it into shape.
It aligns us with truth again.
Because uncertainty is a given in every minute of every day. It is our ability to ignore this truth that makes us feel certain.
When confusion arrives, we can reconnect with a fundamental truth about ourselves:
We know nothing, and everything in this world is fragile — except in our minds, where we imagine things to be permanent.
Walking Like Children Again
I was once on a group trip when someone decided to walk ahead and guide us to our next destination.
I asked him if he knew where we were going.
He laughed and said he had no idea.
Yet everyone was following him.
He walked with such certainty that we all assumed he knew the way.
This is what many of us do.
We follow others, or we follow an idea in our minds about how life should unfold.
We walk with great determination, but we don't truly know the way as well as it might seem.
How could we, when we don't yet truly know ourselves?
Confusion throws us back into reality.
Now we have to deal with ourselves and figure out what to do.
We need to make choices, discover how to clear the fog or learn how to walk through it.
It can reignite fundamental questions about faith, death, purpose and meaning.
And it can make us humble again.
Because with every fixed idea we lose, we have an opportunity to become a little more humble, a little more relaxed.
You Can't See It, but the Way Is There
When life shakes us up, many of us are accustomed to approaching everything intellectually.
And if we cannot see a path ahead with our minds, we begin to believe there is no path.
But uncertainty can sharpen our senses.
Just as someone navigating without sight learns to move through feeling and sensing, we too can learn to move in a different way — one that isn't immediately evident to the intellect.
So if you're living through uncertain times, I want to reassure you:
The way is always there.
Don't expect it to feel the way it did before.
This is a new journey.